I can only imagine the stress that all this socialization must have created on Rauf Momani and her children, owing to the lack of space for immediate family with so many people coming at odd times, often unannounced. This must have been greatly stressful given the meagre resources of Rauf Mamoo as a captain and major in army of 1960s and 1970s, and then after retirement during 1980s till his death in 1999 when retired army officers used to get a pittance as pension. It would only be much later that the salaries and perks and pensions of army officers were revised to become as attractive as today. It was only during 1980s when I was in my 20s, that I began to realize the great sacrifices behind the magnanimous mahman nawazi and big heartedness of Rauf Momani immediate family. They had struggled with hand-to-mouth subsistence, supplemented by short term advances and loans from friends to provide a congenial front for the mehman nawazi. However, the greatness of Rauf Momani and her children was not to let the guests feel the inconvenience or stress that they went through. Truly a great feat that can not be matched in today’s world with those guests of Momani who now boast of 100x resources than the Rauf Mamoo, but neither find the heart nor the willingness to come out of their comfort zones and share and reciprocate with a similar sincere magananimity, open heartedness and abundance thinking.

L-R: Khala Yaldaram, Rauf Momani, Rais Khala, Sardar Momani, couple of months ago?

She belonged to the generation that started their life with zero and remained in hand to mouth survival  mode barely making their two ends meet till late 1990s and early 2000s. They sacrificed their youth and their lives with selfless devotion and perseverance to enable their children to have a better start. Which alhumdolillah many of the children did make it and during their last years some of their generation  did manage to see life out of the survival mode. Rauf Momani was a great lady and her life teaches us that you can eventually make it without shortcuts of lies, deception, and trickery. May Allah give her the best of abodes in the hereafter. Aameen

Rauf Momani was a treat to watch at convenional weddings and family get togethers. Shadi songs on dhol in her energetic manner was her speciality. The way she enjoyed singing the traditional wedding songs and her thundering laughter and voice would soon overpower any competition from the inlaws side. Especially the Punjabi songs. The way her “thaal” on the dhol will accompany the songs was a treat to watch. A great inspiration to the girls of seventies and eighties. I can still hear in my ears ringing of her thumping voice singing “leng aa ja patn e chanaba da….”

Langh aa ja patan chhana da yaar- Langh aa ja patan chhana da! – Sir sadaka maen jaavaan tere naa da.
Mere kaag banere te boleya, Mera tataddi da dil ddoleya, Maen mandadda bol na boleya.

Today’s canned recorded audios with stage managed shows have now robbed the traditional marriage gatherings. She would become the center of attraction in any inormal gathering and family get together. A few months ago, in a family wedding, she while in her 80s along with several ailments and heart condition, could be seen thoroughly enjoying singing the traditional wedding songs. Her competitive nature could be seen in family Ludo matches. In such matches, she would grant no consideration to her children or dear ones. An opponent was an opponent. She would heartily lose a match and also will never let her wins overpower the losers with taunts. True sportsperson spirit. Enjoying the competitiveness of games for the fun of it.

My earliest vivid memories were of spending a couple of months of Summer holiday in Kharian Cantt of 1969 where Rauf Mamoo had a huge house with lots of open spaces in front and back. It became a huge family members stay: Rais Khala’s children, our sisters, and children of Rauf Mamoo.Then Javed Bhai and his siblings also arrived and joined the group. I think we were there for around a couple of months. Each child found the company of a few children of their own age group, to enjoy and learn to live in harmony despite the childish wishes, inconveniences and altercations. These were big houses in sweltering heat of Kharian during June-July of Summer Holidays. At day time we would be inside and at night time we would have the arrangements in the lawn of rows of beds with mosquito nets. There were no ACs at that time. There was just Khas ki Tutti type of a local contraption with a table fan stationed outside the window and the dripping of the water from a tanki placed on the roof on the khas ki tatti mesh of dried branches and leaves. This became the model of the highly successful local produce of desert coolers in the 1980s.  There was so much energy and there were so much play, excursion, outdoor and indoor and of course there were big and small conflicts.  It was big heartedness of Rauf Momani who hosted us with remarkable patience.

I can still remember after day long excursions and good night sleep our waking up in the morning and hungry like any thing. And Momani Jan with Gul Mamoo (orderly) sitting on floor patra and cooking literally several dozens of parathas and lots of egg omelete (anda ghutala) on a couple of Kersosene stoves. Recall the sweltering heat and the morning ordeal. Not once I saw her angry.

It was not just cooking and kitchen. She would join the elder group in the late night ludo competitions with a big ludo board with eight people to play in 4 groups of two. The match will go on and on as there were so many permutations of the opposing group blocking the progress of your pieces and then striking out your pieces with roll of dice. Children like us were supposed to sleep in our beds arranged on the lawn on the other side of the house. Often we would sneak into this gathering to enjoy the fun. She was the prima donna of those plays. With lots of good natured sleight of a hand and tricks there would often be severe verbal duels of who violated which rule, as players would discover new rules at each juncture. Ludo then became a spectator sport for us all thronging around the board with some many people sitting around and other standing and cheering.

Ludo was a tradition that continued till her last night. Her daughter Faryal told me that a few hours before she died, she was playing a ludo matched and had beaten Faryal, her daughter after a long time. Faryal claimed that this happened after a long time because she had mastered all the tricks and techniques of her mother. But that night she was in her full colors. Faryal mentioned that she was planning to take her to Islamabad for Eid holidays where she would get to meet her immediate family. She was worried about her health after a pace make was installed around a couple of months earlier. At that time she was in critical condition at CCU of NICVD where she stayed for several days. However, all the tests that were conducted during her last week came out with a clean chit, and doctors had reported remarkable improvement in all the vital indicaors. On being consulted, the doctors had given approval of her fitness for the flight journey, which was never to be. This was like the last flutter of the flame of a candle before its lights out.

I remember being at the house in the North Colony of Kharian Cantt in front of which there were farm fields of wheat. In between they had grown green channas, which the children party liked a lot would use to relish eating the snacks. It was OK when a couple of kids do that. However, when the children party of around 15 of all sizes descended and not only ate but also made a stock and stored it, it became troublesome. The kisan came to complain and we were made to give back all the stuff that we had stored in the store room on the top floor. Javed Bhai got hold of a donkey and the elder crowd had a great day riding it. There was this incident of having seen a snake “saunp” of which Javed Bhai used to make a great fun of the way I had pronounced it till I remember in late 1970s also.

Later, mamoo had shifted to the house in Shami Colony (was it a later visit?). Rauf Mamoo got installed a high swing with a long span in which even elders could also swing. There used to be competition who would come earlier and occupy the swing. I recall waiting endlessly to get a chance to swing, but elders always seem to use the elderly card. Once I woke up very early morning and thinking that I would now be able to get the swing but to my disappointment I found that Moazzaam had already occupied it from very early morning even before the prayers as if he never went to sleep.

Each time I visit Malir Cantt, I peep around the few old houses left to recollect the great time we spent at Rauf Mamoo’s place during the early 1970s. I think this was our visit of 1972 when I stayed there at Rauf Mamoo’s place and had a great time. Rauf Mamoo was in his uniform. I was staying with …..

Haj Ki Sathi

ہمارے حج کے ساتھی بزرگوں میں سے آخری بزرگ رخصت ہو کر اللہ کے حضور پہنچ گئیں- اللہ ان کے درجات بلند فرمائے آمین

I should have written this when she was with us. Although I have been recalling and sharing the great memories that I retain while living at Momani jan’s place in our meeting with Momani and her children.

See Also: Companions of Hajj: Dekh mera Zauq o Shauq (See My Yearning and Passion)

https://irfanhyder.com/2014/11/hajj-kay-saathi-dekh-mera-zauq-o-shauq

Mehman Nawazi of Rauf Momani. By Noman Haider on Apna Group:

ممانی جان کا ھی جگرا تھا کہ ڈھیروں مہمانوں کے لیے مہمانداری کرنا۔ میری ماموں کے یہاں جانے کی پہلی یاد جامشورو کی تھی ، جہاں جب مہمان زیادہ ھو جاتے تھے تو ہائڈرنٹ جا کر نہانے کی ایک یاد ذہن میں پیوست ھو گئی۔ پھر کالونی کی edge پہ موجود لق و دق بیابان میں دور تک ٹہل کے جانا، پرانی Thames کے چکر۔

پھر ماموں کا سائٹ والا گھر یادوں کے مرکز میں اتر آیا۔ اس گھر میں بہتیرے بار جانے کا موقع ملا۔ سردیوں سخت سردی اور گرمیوں میں مچھر اور پھر شکار کے کئی ٹرپ۔

صبح صبح سب کو گرم گرم ، پرتوں والے بڑے بڑے پراٹھے۔ بیچارہ ایک فرائی انڈہ بمشکل نصف پراٹھے کا ساتھ دے پاتا تھا، اختتام سے پہلے۔ اوپر نیچے جانے کی ورزش سے اس گھر میں بھوک خوب چمک اٹھا کرتی تھی لہذا دو تین پراٹھے ضروری ھوتے تھے اور ممانی کی ھمت تھی کہ سب کے لیے گرم اور تازہ پراٹھے بنانا ضروری تھے۔

وہاں ماموں ممانی نے بڑے سٹریس والے دن گزارے ھونگے۔ مل نے چل کے نہ دیا اور یار دوستوں نے دھوکے بھی دیے اور فائدہ بھی خوب اٹھایا یہاں تک کہ لگتا ھے کہ فوجی نوکری کی مراعات سے ملنے والی کئی زمینیں entrepreneurship کے شوق اور passion کی نظر ھو گئیں۔

آخر کار ماموں نے اس سائٹ کے پلاٹ سے چھٹکارا حاصل کیا اور کراچی آ بیٹھے جہاں مصباح بھائی نے کینٹ بازار میں ان کو وہ گھر تعمیر کرا دیا جہاں ان کی زندگی کا آخری حصہ گزرا۔

ممانی ماشاللہ انڈیپنڈنٹ تھنکر تھیں۔ آخری الیکشن کے دن ان سے ملا تو اپنا ووٹ دیگر سے ہٹ کر کاسٹ کیا۔ اور بہت فخر سے بتایا۔

اللہ کا شکر ھے کہ سنہ اسی کی دہائی میں مہنگائی کا سیلاب نہ تھا۔ ماموں جب جامشورو سے مووو ھوئے تو مجھے ان کا جامشورو والا گھر یاد آتا تھا۔ کالونی میں سرکاری کوارٹر تھا اور آس پاس دیگر افراد کی گہما گہمی کے مزے والا محلہ۔ ان کا گھر کالونی کے edge پہ تھا لہذا شام کو دور تک اس بیابان میں دور تک واک کر کے جاتے تھے۔

سائٹ کے علاقے میں مووو ھوئے تو اب وہ پہاڑی پہ بنوایا ان کا اپنا ڈیزائین کردہ گھر تھا۔ رقم کی بچت کے لیے چھت بانسوں کی تھی جس کے اوپر سرکنڈوں کی چادر، پلاسٹک اور پھر سیمنٹ کا لیپ۔

ان ی چھٹ کی وجہ سے گھر ماشاللہ تپتی دوپہر میں بھی ٹھنڈا رہتا تھا۔ سرکنڈوں کی وجہ سے چھپکلیاں بہت ھوتی تھیں۔

وہاں تین ڈائٹنگ ہال کی مغربی دیوار پہ نیلے رنگ کے لگے طغرے میں نستعلیق خط میں یہ دو شعر مجھے بہت fascinate کرتت تھے۔

Dedicated to Rauf Mamoon and Mumani Jan Marhooma. Who introduced me to to these shair

Momani, my friend! From Shahnaz Bhabi on Apna Group

ممانی میری دوست
ممانی چلی گئں ..انکے ساتھ ایک زریں عہد ختم ہوا …شاندار شخصیت کی مالک …انتہائ زندہ دل ،حقیقت پسند اور اور حد سے زیادہ محنتی … ممانی کے بارے میں اس فورم میں لکھنے کے لئے تو شاید جگہ ہی کم پڑجائے یا پھر میں اتنا نہ ٹائپ کرپاوں …
ممانی کے ساتھ دوستی کا آغاز اسوقت ہوا جب پہلی مرتبہ ان کے ہل پارک والے گھر می رہنے گئ …ایک وجہ قربت کی یہ بھی تھی کہ وہ میرے میاں کی بھی فیورٹ ممانی تھیں …اور اس کے بیچ میں اہم کردار پراٹھے کابھی ہے …جو ممانی جیسا کوئ نہیں بناسکتاتھا ..اور وہ تو ان پراٹھوں کے عاشق تھے ….
اکثر ممانی کہتی تھیں ..ہاں ممانی کو دیکھ کر پر اٹھا یاد آتا ہے ..ممانی نہیں یاد آتیں …مذاق اپنی جگہ سہی لیکن واقعی ان کی محبت بے غرض اور خالص تھی …

ایک تو اللہ میاں نے ماموں اور ممانی کا جوڑا ہی ایسا بنایا تھا پہ بقول شاعر “جن سے ملکر زندگی سے پیار ہوجائے ”
انکا بےلوث خلوص ایسا تھا کہ ہر کوئ یہ سمجھنے میں حق بجانب تھا کہ یہ دعنوں سب سے زیادہ مجھے ہی چاہتے ہیں …
ممانی سے وابستہ ایسی یادیں جن کا احاطہ کرنا آسان نہیں ..چالیس سالہ دوستی ..دریا کو کو زے میں کیسے بند کیا جائے ..وہی بات ہے….
ساری ساری رات جاگ کر باتیں کرنا …لڑکیاں مذاق بناتی تھیں اللہ خیر کرے شاہ فیملی کی دو نسلوں کی بہوویں بیٹھی ہیں ….
میں اس قابل نہیں. .نہ ہی ایسی کوئ سلیقہ مند اس کے باوجود دونوں بچیوں کی شادی میں کچھ میرے سپرد …تالے اور چابی کے ساتھ …شادی کی شاپنگ میں مجھے ساتھ لے جانا …اور دکانداروں تک سے کہنا …یہ میری بہت لاڈلی بہو ہے …اللہ اللہ. .ممانی آپ نے مجھے کتنا مان دیا ….
میں نے امی سے بھی ہمیشہ ممانی کی تعریف ہی سنی ..بڑے پیار سے وہ کہتی تھیں”روف میاں کی دلہن” اب یہ سب باتیں کہاں سننے میں آتی ہیں
اماں کہتی تھیں روف میاں کی دلہن سبزی بہت اچھی بناتی ہیں …
اور میں نے تو “بٹ”پہلی دفعہ ممانی کے ہاتھ کی کھائ اور مجھے اس کا شوق ہوگیا حالانکہ میرے گھر میں نہیں کھائ جاتی …. اور مولی کے پراٹھے ممای کی خاص سپیشلٹی ..
ممانی ایک بالکل بالکل مختلف خاندان اور تہذیب سے آئ تھیں ..لیکن انھوں نے کس طرح شاہ فیملی میں اپنا مقام بنایا …سبحان اللہ. . ہر کوئ ان کا گرویدہ تھا… ہر کسی کی خوشی اور دکھ میں انتہائ اپنائت کے ساتھ شریک ہونا …
شادی بیاہ کی تقریبات میں بڑھ چڑھ کر حصہ لینا اور رونق لگانا ….ڈھول تو ان کے مقابلے کاکوئ بجا ہی نہیں سکتا تھا ….ابھی صرف تین ماہ پہلے ہی کلثوم کے مایوں میں انھوں نے ماشااللہ کیا رونق لگائ تھی جبکہ ان کی طبیعت ٹھیک نہیں تھی ….
ماموں کے جانے کے بعد انھوں نے ہمیں انکی کمی محسوس نہیں ہونے …وہی روایات قائم رکھیں جو ماموں کےوقت سے تھیں ….
جو بھی ملنے آئے وہ کھانے کے بغیر نہیں جاسکتاتھا ….
انکا دل اور گھر کے دروازے ہمیشہ سب کے لئے چشم براہ رہے …
ممانی …جنت کی ہواوں سے آپکی قبر معطر رہے …اتنا مبارک مہینہ اور دن آپکو ملا
وہ خلا پرنہ ہوسکے گا جو آپ کے جانے کے بعد پیدا ہوگیا
جانے والے تجھے روئے گا زمانہ برسوں …

Memories: From Humaira on Apna Group:

The TRUTH is, that all of the “STUFF” here on earth we work SO hard to buy and accumulate..does NOT mean a thing. At the end of the day…people will be cleaning out our “STUFF”, going thru our “STUFF”, figuring out what to do with all of our “STUFF”….this “STUFF” we’ve accumulated in our life. The only thing of VALUE that remains are the MEMORIES and what we deposit into others. May we all learn to spend less time accumulating “STUFF” and spend way more time making MEMORIES.

From Ayesha Farida on Apna Group

She was a great lady…well dressed in ..Saris ….meeting her gave warmth and love always ….her parathas yum…remember the Sos home…went there with Irfan Mamoo ….last time met her at Azzams farewell party…..ever smiling and beautiful…

May Allah forgive her sins and bless her Jaanat ul firdous and make her grave from the gardens of heaven……..

From Rafia Salahudin on “we r family” group:

انا للہ وانا الیہ راجعون

A great lady what extraordinary couple they were. Rauf Mamoon and momani Jan. A great loss.

Have beautiful recent memories of travelling with her to haripur hazara. Khub maza  aya..payar bhari daant bhi khai. Bhut ache din thay jab hum mamoon momani ke ghar jaya karte thay.

Love and unconditional love we have experienced with them. I say we because our whole family only have good memories of the times spent with them.

All their kids are as beautiful as they are .we love you all. May Allah give sabr to everyone and place momani Jan in the highest place in jannah. Ameen.

Other Family Posts:

• • How was I guided: How to find a “buzurg” and “wali” of Allah–Rembering Ammi, Abba, Chacha and Phuppa
  • How exploration of nature and role playing was encouraged: Of Jungles, Streams, Berries and Wild Pink Flowers — Fragrant Memories of Islamabad that Was
  • How to Sprinkle Happiness Around You: Javed Bhai (Dr Zaeem Jafri) – A Jolly Good Fellow
  • Ansari Sb: Khawajgan Chisht Ahle Bahisht
  • Secret of Happiness: One Simple Rule: Remembering Ammi Jan
  • Pursuit of Excellence vs Guzara: How to teach excellence through everyday examples taught by my father.
  • Remembering Nani Jan: Of Achars, Chutneys and Halwas: A Lifestyle Getting Lost Through Branding and Mass Production
  • How Language Acquisition is Made Difficult for Children: Eight Lessons from an Urdu Acquisition Case Study: Remembering Ammi’s readings